The Magic of Being Held By the World

Right now, as you read this article, you are being held up by an invisible, magic web.

Consider the following, with gratitude in your heart:

You are reading an article written for you by me, sent across the Internet thanks to the work of thousands and thousands of engineers and power workers and workers in computer factories, using a computer device produced by thousands of people around the world.

You are alive because you ate food and drink produced and delivered and served by thousands of people. You have shelter built by thousands of people (when you consider the manufacturing process), powered by a power system where thousands of people work every day, with water coming to you produced by thousands of people, cable (or Internet) entertainment streamed to you that was produced by millions of people. Your furniture, clothes, appliances, car, roads, work buildings, city were all built by millions of people.

When you were born, you were incapable of living without the support of your family, who fed, clothed, sheltered you, changed your diapers, kept you alive every single day. They were supported by many others, and then you were educated by many more. You were raised by a village, no matter what your childhood was like.

Your entire existence has been supported by millions of people, for your whole life, including right now.

And it’s not just your physical existence: your thoughts have been influenced by writers, pundits, TV shows, films, music, educators, friends and family, the work you do with others, politicians and government, philosophers and religious figures, the environment you live in. What you think and who you are is not something you just invented, it has been created by everyone and everything around you.

You have been co-created by every other human being alive, by the entire world. And your actions have co-created those around you as well.

You are held up by an invisible, magic web of human lives and thought, of food and shelter and electricity and devices, of human creation and nature and the cosmos around you.

We co-create each other, every moment. And we take it all for granted.

The only reasonable response to this realization is gratitude. Applause. Joy.

We are all connected, and our actions matter. How can you co-create the world around you today? What loving action can you take right now, to care for others around you, to make their lives better? What can you do to appreciate and show gratitude for those who have supported you?

Fill your heart with love for those who have created you, and fill their lives with your love so you can create something amazing for them.

My 44 Training Program

Small Actions, Huge Impact

Most people get hung up because of a few reasons:

1. A task or project is too intimidating/overwhelming, so they put it off.
2. Sticking to new habits is hard, so they fail after a week or two.
3. Life becomes overwhelming, because there’s so much to do, so many choices.

The problems with these common situations is that we take the big picture, the overwhelming nature of it all, and use it as a reason to not do anything.

Instead, I’ve found it useful to pick one tiny action. It can change everything.

Some examples:

1. I have too much to do right now, I’m overwhelmed — so I do one tiny thing. I just start a task. I just move a project along in the smallest way. I just make a list. Something that takes a minute or two — I can do that!
2. I’ve fallen off a habit I was trying to start, such as meditation or exercise … and it’s causing me to not want to even think about the habit. So I just do the smallest version of the habit — can I pause for a few moments and meditate right now? Can I do a few pushups? This gets the ball rolling, and now the habit doesn’t seem that difficult. I just keep starting again, in small ways.
3. I’ve been putting off a project, and I feel pretty bad about it — so I just do one small thing with the project, and now I feel a lot better. All of a sudden, I can get the project moving with small movements, small victories.

Each of these examples is so simple, so tiny — and yet their impact is bigger than most people realize. The action is small, but the impact is huge. The victory might seem trifling, but it’s actually a profound shift.

What are you stalling on? What are you overwhelmed by? What can you take a tiny action on right now?

Get an infinitessimal victory now, and see what it changes for you.

A Guide to Developing the Self-Discipline Habit

One of the most important life skills to develop, for those just starting out in life (and everyone else!), is the skill of self-discipline.

It’s like a superpower: when I developed some self-discipline, I started exercising and eating healthier and meditating and writing more, I quit smoking and ran marathons, I started a blog and wrote books, I read more and work earlier, I decluttered and transformed my finances. I’m far from perfect, but I’ve learned a lot.

But if you don’t develop self-discipline, it causes problems: health problems, distraction, procrastination, financial problems, clutter, things piling up and overwhelming you, and much more.

So it’s such an important skill to develop, but most people don’t know where to start. This guide is aimed at helping you get started.

I’m writing it for my kids, and for anyone else who would like to develop a superpower.

Finding Motivation

The first question is, how do you even get motivated to start? Most of us don’t want to think about our lack of discipline, let alone take a bunch of actions.

For me, the motivation came from realizing that what I was doing wasn’t working. Ignoring the problems only made things worse. Trying to be disciplined but doing it half-assedly only resulted in me feeling bad about myself. Being wholly undisciplined was causing myself a bunch of pain.

Once you realize that you’re causing yourself pain … you might develop a whole-hearted intention to stop hurting yourself. You might say, “OK, that’s enough with making my life worse. Let’s try to make it less worse.”

With that in mind, you can tell yourself that you are going to:

• Start taking small actions to make things better
• Do the things that hurt you less
• Push yourself into discomfort a little bit, so you can get better at this over time
• Get good at self-discipline with some practice

Keep these things in mind as you practice, as you get the urge to not practice, and as you make mistakes and then want to give up.

There are other good motivations as well:

1. Wanting to help others — if you get better at exercise or healthy eating, for example, you can help your aging parents who need to get better at these things. If you get better at not procrastinating on your life’s work, you can help more people with that meaningful work. More on this below, in the “Focus on Others” section.
2. Appreciating life — we have a short time here on Earth, and the life we have is a gift. When we procrastinate and give in to endless distraction, and don’t make the most of our time, we are not fully appreciating the gift we have. Instead, we can appreciate it by being present, being grateful, and being purposeful about how we spend our time.

With these motivations — or whatever motivations move you the most — we can start to practice.

Small Actions

One of the most important things you can do to get better at self-discipline is to take small actions. It can seem overwhelming to tackle huge, intimidating projects … so don’t. Instead, tackle easy actions, things so small you can’t say no.

Have some taxes to do? Just do 5 minutes. Want to run? Just run for 10 minutes. Have a report to work on? Just do the first few paragraphs. Want to declutter? Just find 5 things to declutter.

You’ll get better at self-discipline if you focus on small tasks, and break bigger projects into small tasks. Read more.

Discomfort Training

One of the reasons we don’t have self-discipline is because we run from the hard, uncomfortable things. We would rather do the easy, comfortable, familiar things.

So instead of facing our hard, uncomfortable projects or finances, we run to distractions, videos, games. This running from discomfort is ruining our lives.

What you can tell yourself is that you’re done running. You are going to push into discomfort, a little at a time, and get good at being uncomfortable. This is another of your superpowers. When others run, you’re OK (even if it’s not always fun).

One small task at a time, push yourself into discomfort. See how it feels. See that it’s not the end of the world. See that you are awesome enough to handle discomfort, and that the results are well worth it.

Mindfulness with Urges

You’ll have the urge to quit doing something hard, or to put it off for now. Those urges don’t serve you well.

Instead, develop mindfulness around those urges, and see that you don’t have to follow them.

A good way to do that is to set a time for yourself where you can do nothing but X. For example, for the next 10 minutes, you can do nothing but write your book chapter (or exercise, meditate, etc.). When you have the urge to procrastinate or run to distractions, you’ll easily see it, because you’re either writing the book, or you’re not. When you have the urge, tell yourself you can’t follow it, you have to either write your book chapter or sit there and do nothing.

Raymond Chandler used that as his simple writing system: “Write or nothing. I find it works. Two very simple rules, a. you don’t have to write. b. you can’t do anything else.”

The reason it works is that you are setting up a time where you do nothing else but that one specified task, and you can see your urges to run away. Use this to learn to be mindful of your urges, and see that you don’t have to follow them.

Interval Training

If you combine the above items into a system of bursts, or intervals, you can train yourself using interval training:

1. Set your intention to practice self-discipline and not hurt yourself anymore.
2. Set a task to focus on (writing, drawing, strength training, meditating, etc).
3. Set a timer for 10 minutes. Five minutes is also fine if 10 is too long. Don’t go longer until you get good at 10 minutes, then increase to 12 and eventually 15. I don’t find I need to go beyond 15-20 minutes even when I’m kicking butt.
4. Do nothing but sit there and watch your urges, or push into your discomfort by doing the task.
5. When the timer goes off, give yourself a 5-minute break.
6. Repeat.

You can train for several intervals, or potentially for an hour or two. Then take a longer break, and do another set of intervals after that.

This kind of interval training is fantastic, because it’s not that hard, you really train yourself in discomfort and watching urges, and you can get a lot done this way.

A Focus on Others

When you find yourself struggling, dig into deeper motivation: doing your work/exercise/meditation etc. not for yourself, but for others.

For example:

• I’m writing this article to help my kids, and anyone else who might benefit.
• I work out to be healthy, not only for myself but as an example for my kids and others who might benefit.
• I meditate not only for my own peace and sanity, but so that I can help others find their own peace and sanity.
• You might draw or write or play music to inspire others.

In each example, you might benefit … but you’re also doing it to benefit others. And this benefit to others is much more motivating than doing something just for yourself.

Try it … try doing a difficult task for someone else. Tell them you’re going to do it for them beforehand, then keep them in mind as you do it. See if you feel more motivated.

Victories in Success & Failure

A huge mistake that a lot of people make is that they mess up, and get discouraged by this. They feel bad about messing up. This causes them to give up and not want to think about developing self-discipline.

Here’s the thing: failure is actually a victory.

Failure means you tried. So it’s a victory from the start.

But it also means you learned something — you now know that what you tried didn’t quite work. Next time, you can try something a bit different. Add more accountability, try it at a different time, unplug your wireless router, get a workout partner, anything. Because of your failure, you have new information. You’ve learned, and that helps you get better.

Failure is a victory. Success is also a victory. No matter what your result, you can see it as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to get better.

Drop any ideas of being perfect at this, and just keep trying.

The next time you fail at whatever you’re trying, instead of letting it get you discouraged, see it as a victory. Then keep going, no matter what, because giving up is only going to hurt you some more.

Getting Support

You’re not in this alone. You have family, friends, online strangers who can help you. Form a support team by reaching out to the people around you, and asking for their help.

Lots of people skip this because they are embarrassed by their lack of discipline. They feel that the way they behave is shameful. That’s not true. Actually, we all act like this, but we’re just afraid to show that side to each other. But the truth is, if you show your “dark” side to people, they actually love you more, trust you more, relate to you more. So don’t be afraid to connect with others in a vulnerable way.

Find the courage to ask for help. Then let yourself be supported as you work on pushing yourself into discomfort and hurting yourself less.

If you need help from me, try my 44 Training Program – Turning Uncertainty & Discomfort into Mindful Openness.

You can do this.

Email Zen: Clear Out Your Inbox

I use Gmail exclusively for email, and it constitutes a major part of my two day jobs. I get a fair amount of email each hour, and I am pretty quick at responding.

However, one thing you’ll notice about my Gmail inbox is that it is just about always empty.

It gives me a Zen feeling to have a clean inbox, a feeling of peace and calm and satisfaction. I highly recommend it to everyone. I wasn’t always like this — I had many emails in my inbox in the past. They would sit in there, sometimes unread, sometimes just waiting on an action, sometimes waiting to be filed, and others just waiting because I was procrastinating. I also had many folders for filing my email, so I could find them when I needed them. It would take me awhile to file sometimes, so I would put it off. Many people I know are the same way.

But GTD changed that (as well as 43 Folders and others), and for nearly a year now, I’ve been fairly consistent about having a clean inbox.

Here are my simple steps to achieving Email Zen:

1) Don’t check email first thing in the morning, or have it constantly on. This is a tip offered by many blogs, so nothing new here. Checking email first thing will get you stuck in email for awhile. Instead, do your most important thing for the day, or the thing you’ve been procrastinating on the most. Then check email. Better yet, do 2 or 3 things first. Also, if you are constantly checking email throughout the day, or it notifies you as soon as an email comes in, you will be constantly distracted and not able to focus on the task before you. I check once an hour, but you might have different needs.

2) When you check your email, dispose of each one, one at a time, right away. Make a decision on what needs to be done on each email.

2a) Is it junk or some forwarded email? Trash it immediately.

2b) Is it a long email that you just need to read for information? File it in a Read folder (or tag it Read and archive) or print it to read on the road (while waiting in line, for example).

2c) If the email requires action, make a note of the action on your to-do or GTD lists to do later. Also note to check the email for info if necessary. Then archive the email. You can easily find it later when you need to do that task.

2d) If you can respond to it in a minute or two, do so immediately. Don’t put it off. If you wait, you’ll end up with a backlog of emails to respond to, and you may never get around to it. I respond quickly, with a short note, and send it right away. That way I’m viewed as responsive and on top of things.

2e) If you need to follow up on the email later, or are waiting for a response, note it on a Waiting For list. Don’t just leave it in your inbox as a reminder.

3) I have only one folder: Archive. When I respond to an email, or finish reading it if it doesn’t need response, or note it on my to-do list, I archive it. Simple as that. You could add a Read folder if you want. I usually print longer ones to read later, like during lunch or while waiting for something. Other people have an Action folder or a Waiting For folder, but I find that that’s just an additional inbox (or “bucket” as GTD’s David Allen calls it) that you have to constantly check. I don’t like to check extra folders. I have my to-do lists and my Waiting For list, and that’s good enough. So it’s as simple as pressing “Archive” on an email, and if I need to find it later, Gmail’s search is so good that it’s easy to find. I’ve never had any problems with this system.

Email Zen is that easy: check email at regular periods, take action on each email right away (or note it on a list to do later) and archive.

2007: My Greatest Year Ever

More than a week into 2007, I’m a bit late in posting this, but please forgive me. I actually set my top goals for 2007 in December, and have already gotten off to a good start on working towards them.

I decided to set goals that are challenging but achievable, something that will make me feel good about myself after I complete them. What I have here are some good goals, and I think I can accomplish them.

How I will accomplish them

It’s all good and well to write out your goals, but you have to do something to keep your focus on them, keep you motivated, and ensure that you are on track the whole year long. How will I do that? Weekly goal meetings with my wife.

My wife and I have decided to be “goal buddies” this year, and to that end, we are meeting once a week to set our goals and review what we’ve done. For example, at the beginning of January, we took our goals for the year and decided what we would try to accomplish in January for each goal. We tried to make it something easily accomplishable in one month. Then, each week in January, we set weekly goals that help us toward the monthly goals. Each day, we look at our weekly goals and see what we can do that day.

So all year long, we have a mechanism to track our progress, review our accomplishments and failures, and set mini goals that help us toward the year’s overall goals. It’s working great so far and I hope to report good progress as the year goes on. It keeps us motivated and it’s so much better than just writing down some resolutions and forgetting about them after a few weeks.

So without further ado, here are my goals for the year.

Top Goals for 2007

• Triathlon: Train at least 2x a week each for bike, swim, run, and complete an Olympic triathlon by July 2007. Write a column once every two weeks about the experience.
• Strength training: Train 3x a week, gaining slight mass and definition (while losing fat through triathlon training). Take a picture in December, then every 3-4 months.
• Yard work: Get it back in shape in December 2006, then cut once a week for 1-2 hours to keep in shape. Should have a nicely maintained yard.
• Payoff credit card, car: Set payment plan, make regular payments. Celebrate when done!
• Save: Set aside $___ emergency fund (open online account for this, then transfer money), then $___ per pay period for Liberty Fund (and track different categories within Liberty Fund). (Note: amounts have been removed because they’re private.)
• Meditate: At least twice a week, meditate for 20-30 minutes.
• Positive Parenting: Become a calmer, more positive parent. Stop yelling and spanking. Teach them with love. Will practice daily, with wife to help me.
• Simplify: Reduce my needs. Reduce clutter. Reduce complications in life. Simplify workday. Simplify the house. Create times of peace (meditation, running, reading, quiet times with wife, kids).
• Take Action: Do things to help raise awareness and improve global warming, poverty and Guam’s political status.

Addendum from 2014

This is a note from Leo in 2014: I’m looking back on these goals with a smile.

Here’s how I did with these, for anyone curious:

• Triathlon: I did train and completed a sprint triathlon, but didn’t complete an Olympic triathlon.
• Strength training: I wasn’t as consistent as I’d hoped, but I did do it fairly regularly and these days I’m much more regular about strength training than I was in 2007.
• Yard work: I did make progress here, but never got as consistent with mowing my (very large) lawn. I later moved to a house with a much smaller lawn.
• Pay off car & credit card: Accomplished! This was amazing, btw.
• Save: I did a great job saving! My finances are much better these days.
• Meditate: I wasn’t as consistent with this as I liked, but I did meditate and learned a lot. I still do, though not always regularly.
• Positive Parenting: It took me awhile, but I no longer spank my kids and don’t yell as a rule. I’m much happier as a parent these days because of it.
• Simplify: I’ve greatly reduced clutter and my needs. This took awhile, but was rewarding.
• Take action: I actually did several projects over the next couple of years to help with these things.

2006 Year in Review – A great year!

2006 Year in Review

Last year was an awesome year for me! I accomplished two of my life goals, had a baby, and simply transformed my life in so many ways. Let me count them briefly:

1. Marathon: Starting in early 2006, I wrote a column every two weeks that ran in the local newspaper here on Guam, chronicling my journey to my first marathon. I just started running in early December 2005, and did my first 5K later that month, so this was a very big goal for me. It was also a lifetime goal. I had a very up-and-down year in my marathon training, but to sum up a long story, in early December 2006 I completed my first marathon! Running is now a part of my life, and I love it.
2. Novel: It’s always been a goal of mine to write a novel, and in November 2006 I signed up for the life-changing NaNoWriMo, with the goal of writing 50,000 words in a novel by the end of Nov. 30 … and I did it! It will probably never be published, but it was quite a challenge and accomplishment.
3. Noelle Cayce: On March 23, 2006, the latest joy of my life was born … our youngest daughter. That makes six for us. She is a godsend and a brat, all in one incredibly beautiful package.
4. Veganism: In September 2006 I became a vegetarian, with the eventual goal to become a vegan. Well, I haven’t touched meat (or any animal carcasses) since, and I have drastically reduced my intake of dairy and eggs … basically, I don’t eat dairy or eggs anymore but only take them in as trace ingredients in some foods. I plan to cut them out completely so I can have a cruelty-free diet by the end of 2007. It’s been a great transformation of my diet, and one that I do not regret a bit. One of the best things I’ve ever done.
5. GTD: Even though I didn’t actually read David Allen‘s Getting Things Done until the end of 2006, I grasped the basic concepts and procedures on the web and began implementing GTD before the summer. By the end of the year, I was much, much more organized than ever before. It’s an incredible system that I would recommend to anyone. It can take awhile to adopt the habits of GTD — I have most of them down by now but am still improving. My desk is clear, my files are organized, my email inbox is empty and I know where everything is. Perfection!
6. Early riser: In 2006, because of running, I became an early riser. I started waking earlier and earlier, and now regularly wake up at 4:30 a.m. (some days at 5 a.m. if I sleep late). It gives me such a great start on the day, and the mornings are quiet and beautiful. I love it! Over the next couple of weeks I’m going to try to accomplish at least 1-2 Big Tasks before 6 a.m. … with the option of tackling instead 2 things I’ve been procrastinating on. I think it will make my days even better.
7. Finances: I made great progress in eliminating my debt (with even bigger plans for 2007) and began an emergency fund that is so great for ease of mind. I am still trying to get on stable financial ground, but compared to a year ago, when I couldn’t make ends meet, I am light years ahead. And I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
8. One Year Quitversary: On Nov. 18, 2005, I quit smoking. It was the beginning of the transformations in my life, and gave me the confidence and showed me the way to even more accomplishments. On Nov. 18, 2006, I quietly celebrated my one year Quitversary, and have never been happier.
9. Misc: There have been many other great things that have happened to me in 2006, and small failures as well, but on the whole this has been a GREAT YEAR!!!!!! Here’s hoping that 2007 will be just as great.

The Unexpected Pleasures of More Than a Decade of Reading Harry Potter

Recently, I finished reading Book 7 of the Harry Potter series with my youngest daughter Noelle. We cried, laughed, gasped in shock, cried some more.

It was quite a journey, reading all seven books with her, and it took us four or five years.

Amazingly, it was my fourth time through the series. I read all 7 books with four of my kids, taking several years each time through.

I absolutely love the Harry Potter series, and have had the immense pleasure and honor of reading it to my kids, learning new things each time, finding new pleasures with each one, rediscovering details I’d forgotten, falling in love with the characters all over again each time.

Reading the series with four kids brought me some unexpected pleasures:

1. I started reading it with my eldest daughter, Chloe, when she was in elementary school. Probably 17 years ago or so. It began a lifelong love affair with Harry Potter for Chloe — she eventually fell in love with the actor who played Harry in the movies, Daniel Radcliffe, though she might not want me to tell you that, and we saw him in a Broadway play in New York after she graduated high school. I was there at the beginning of that love affair with the series, and sharing that with her has always been something special for me.
2. Chloe and I used to wait for each new book to come out, which was a delicious pleasure of anticipation. She was always so excited to read, but my time to read with her was limited —- she was only with me a few nights a week, I worked full time and was doing freelance writing, and I had a bunch of younger kids to help take care of. So she had to wait as we made agonizingly slow progress through the last couple of books, despite the nail-biting excitement of the plots.
3. Reading with Chloe gave me the pleasure of discovering things about her, as we read together … she was able to grasp complex vocabulary at a young age, understand difficult plots, and seemed to pick up on subtle relationship dynamics in the book that I didn’t think she’d understand. She had a deep sense of empathy for the characters, and a tender heart that I saw as we read through emotional parts of the book. What a lovely thing, sharing that with her.
4. We started when Chloe was in elementary school, but didn’t finish until she was 15 (we had to wait for the books to come out, and we took long to read them) … that meant that we would bond together reading in bed in a way that I might not have done with a teen-age daughter normally. By that age, they often start to grow apart from you, but reading with Chloe helped us stay close.
5. I remember crying as I read some of the more emotional parts (like the deaths of some characters, who shall remain unnamed for the sake of avoiding spoilers), with all the kids, but Chloe was the first. My voice would crack with emotion, and at times tears would flow down my face as I read. Chloe cried with me. It was like losing family members.
6. When I picked up the series again with my son Rain (who is now an adult in college), it was a completely different experience. It felt more like going on an adventure with him, and sharing in that adventure was so much fun. I’d already forgotten lots about the earlier books, and so it was also a process of rediscovery, which was a delight!
7. As with Chloe, when I read the series with Rain, it became a shared experience, something we did together while he was a kid (into middle school) that we’ll always have. He’s an adult now, but those times reading with him were some of my favorite experiences with him.
8. Rain remembers the two of us falling asleep together when we read the book sometimes. Sleep was actually a big theme for me as I read to all the kids … I’ve become infamous in their eyes for falling asleep while reading to them. It’s as if the books cast a stunning spell on me, perhaps.
9. When I read with Seth, it was a new experience as well. He had such enthusiasm for the books, it was so much fun. He bought Harry Potter wands and would cast spells. He really liked using Avada Kedavra (the killing curse) on me, which I patiently explained (as a ghost, I guess) was patricide. He seemed unbothered by that, as he kept cursing me.
10. Seth also liked to dress as Harry, robes and glasses and all. I loved being a part of his fantasy world, bringing it to life every time we read.
11. When Seth and I finished the series, it was satisfying but also left a hole in our lives. We started reading Lord of the Rings, which is awesome but without the same emotional connection, I think. Noelle and I are looking for a series now … I think we’re going to read the Unwanteds.
12. With Noelle, she brings an innocence to the reading experience that I really love. It’s a freshness, a wonder, an excitement. It reminds me of reading with Chloe. Each kid’s personality comes out in different ways in these shared experiences.
13. As with the other kids, Noelle and I read the books in spurts. We’d get interrupted by travel or visitors or holidays, then pick it up again, letting the memories of what happened the last time we read flood back into our minds, as if we were looking at memories in the pensieve. When things got exciting, sometimes we’d read two or even three times a day, trying to read as much as possible. It was if the thread of the books were woven in strange and magical ways into our lives.

That’s what Harry Potter was for me, with all the kids: a magical thread woven into the last 15+ years of my life, weaving me and each child together in unexpected, joyful ways. There have been lots of other experiences weaving us together — being part of a large family, traveling together, riding bikes and playing in the park, playing boardgames and werewolf, cooking together and spending time with other loved ones. Harry Potter was like all of that, except with wands.

That part of my life is over now, which brings a bit of sadness in my heart. I hope to read the series with my grandkids one day. I will always cherish the magic experience I shared with my kids.

p.s. I didn’t read the series with my two other kids, Justin and Maia, because Eva wanted to read them with them, and it saddens me that I didn’t have that with them. But I have my own shared experiences with them, and love them just the same.